


Carminic

by sbuggbot



Series: Umeko's Story [3]
Category: SteamWorld Quest (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, But past trauma comes up, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Found Family, Gen, No One Dies During the Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22011265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbuggbot/pseuds/sbuggbot
Summary: The discolored spot on Copernica's shoulder doesn't seem like anything serious. It's got Orik really worried about it though, as if he's dealt with something really bad like it in his past.
Series: Umeko's Story [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941955
Comments: 18
Kudos: 3





	1. The Strange Spot

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this idea for literal months now and I'm still not done writing it out but I wanted to share this part first anyway.

Copernica sighed in defeat. “...Alright Milly, I won’t try to run off of nothing but coffee.” She strained toward the middle shelf in the cabinet to get a dish down.

“When did that show up?”

“When did what show up?” Despite her best efforts Copernica still couldn't reach and was about five seconds from climbing directly onto the counter to reach the shelf she wanted.

Armilly gestured towards Copernica with the fruit in her hand. “That spot on your back.” 

Copernica twisted herself to get a look. “That definitely didn’t look like that yesterday,” she said, confused. "It doesn't look like rust…"

"Maybe it's one of those weird rashes you get around death magic?"

"I don't think so," she muttered, giving up on straining to get a clearer look. “Usually those itch and this one isn't. Oh, morning, Orik.”

Orik had wandered in and still appeared to be half asleep. Despite that he was already dressed for the day; he rarely left his room in his night-clothes.

"Good morning," Orik said as he got a glass down. "What were you two talking about?"

"It's this weird spot that showed up yesterday," Copernica said, turning her back towards Orik so he could see better. A discolored patch across the back of her shoulder in the shape of a multi-pointed star. There were smaller, darker specks that got slightly bigger towards the center. "I thought it was just dirt yesterday but it turned into this overnight."

At the sight of it, Orik froze and dropped the cup in his hand. It shattered but he paid no mind to it, staring at the spot on Copernica's shoulder in complete horror. He simultaneously looked like he had just witnessed a gruesome death and like his brain had just forcibly switched off.

"Orik?" Copernica walked up to him (careful to avoid the shards of glass) and nudged his shoulder. No reaction out of him, his gaze hadn't even tracked her as she moved.

"Geez, all the warmth just drained from his face," Armilly noted. She waved her hand in front of his face. Still nothing.

Just like that, Orik snapped back into reality with a sudden gasp. "Copernica, you _need_ to show that to Emme. Now."

"Her shop isn't even open yet," she replied, confused.

"As soon as she is!" Orik was trembling harder than either of them had ever seen before.

Armilly carefully put her hands on his shoulders and guided him. "Whoa, sit down before you fall down," she said as she had him settle in one of the dining chairs. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Orik said although it was blatantly obvious to anyone in the room that it was a total lie, especially himself. "That spot… concerns me."

"I don't think it's that serious," Copernica said in an attempt to reassure him as she sat down in another chair. (Armilly had already begun to wander and was cleaning up the broken cup he dropped.) "It doesn't itch or burn or, well, anything."

It did little to calm Orik down. "It could get really bad." You could almost reach out and touch the panic in his voice. "You need to get that checked."

"Alright, I'll visit Emme today," she said. That calmed Orik down significantly, although he still looked extremely tense. "I'll go after I finish cla--"

"It can wait. Go sooner," he said. "Mention Carminic Plague, too."

"Okay," Copernica said, still confused but unwilling to argue with Orik in the panicked state he was in. She hadn't ever heard of Carminic Plague before….

Armilly wandered out of the room and Tarah walked in with her brother sleepily trailing behind her. "Morni---" she looked up. Thayne saw, too, and startled awake. Both of them rushed over. "---geez, Dad, are you okay?"

Orik found himself unable to articulate a thought in _any_ language, let alone the one the others spoke. _"Unn, eeto..."_ he mumbled. There were just too many things racing through his mind, many he didn't want to unpack. All his thoughts were bunched up and jamming the exit in his head. He unconsciously began fiddling with the solid bracelet around his weaker wrist.

Since Orik only responded with a couple filler words from his own language, Copernica explained, "I have this rash or something on my back-" she twisted a bit to show the twins "-and he really freaked out when he saw it."

"Weird…" Tarah muttered when she saw the rash. Thayne tilted his head a little, curious because he hadn't seen that sort of thing before. Strange, yes, but it didn't raise alarm bells with anyone else the way it did with Orik.

Armilly led Galleo in, who immediately muttered "oh geez" when he saw Orik. He let Benji hop onto the table and investigate the panicked man.

"Hello there," Orik wheezed to the little clockwork bird. He scratched the top of his head a few times but got pecked when he tried turning the little key on Benji's back: that was reserved for Galleo, no one else. He resumed petting the bird. "Sorry."

"What happened?" Galleo asked.

Orik found himself unable to find the words to reply despite being able to understand the others. The best he could manage was to mutter "Copernica" as he pointed at her. This was embarrassing, he had seen toddlers communicate better than he was at the moment.

"Armilly told me about the spot on her back." Galleo had seen it himself as he came in, too. There was clearly something about it Orik knew that the others didn't… it looked strange, yes, but it didn’t stir this extreme of a level of panic in anyone else. 

"Why does this have you so worried? Can you manage to tell us that at least?"

Orik fumbled with words for a moment before shaking his head. "Language barrier," he said with a noticeably thicker accent than he spoke with most of the time, considering the fact he didn't have one normally.

"Alright, that's okay."

"Maybe you can tell us later," Thayne said. "We'll figure something out, right?"

"Yeah, we've all been through weirder," Tarah added.

"I'm going to show it to Emme this morning, she might know something Orik can't tell us right now, too."

"Carminic Plague."

"Yes, I'll bring up Carminic Plague, too," she said. A pause for thought. "Would it make you feel better if you came with?" 

Orik took in a shaky breath. "...Yes, I think it would…"


	2. The Visit with the Traveled Merchant

"Do you need to come in the wagon with me?" Copernica asked as she walked up to the wagon. 

"That probably isn't necessary…" Orik trailed off. Several scenarios flitted through his mind but the Mysterious Merchant could handle the situation in all of them. "Emme is perfectly able to help you on her own."

"I was asking if _you_ would be okay out here on your own." Evidently that hadn't been what Orik expected Copernica to say. She elaborated, "You haven't calmed down a bit since we left."

"Oh. Um, yes." Orik felt a stronger need to hide behind his mask than he had for a long while. He even reached for his face as if his mask was already there to adjust it. "I can handle myself."

Copernica hesitated. "If you really think so…" She went up the stairs but paused before going in the door. "If you do need to come in, I won't mind."

Once the door shut, Orik sank down to the ground with a sigh and let out a sizable cloud of steam. He had done what he could, now he could only wait and hope things would turn out alright. _Let it not be this…_ he thought as he began spinning his bracelet around his wrist.

* * *

The lighting in the wagon was dim. The owner had no need for light, being blind, and it was so early that there hadn't been any customers yet. "Hello?" Copernica said into the wagon.

"Oh, hello there! It's been a while since you or anyone else showed up at this hour," the Merchant said from somewhere within the shadows. No doubt Emme could tell that it was Copernica and where in the shop she was standing; she could sense where people nearby were in a number of ways. "Judging by the panicked ronin outside, this isn't a casual visit?"

"Not necessarily…." Copernica began. She still couldn't see Emme and could only guess where she was based on where her voice was coming from. "Orik wanted you to check something over, he's really worried."

"Oh, that won't be a problem. Especially if it's upsetting him so. Can he come in here, or do I need to go to him?"

Copernica scratched the back of her head. "Actually, he wants you to check something over on me…" She heard Emme move, perhaps she had just shifted her 'gaze' from Orik to her. "There's this spot on the back of my shoulder that practically appeared overnight."

“Interesting, let me see….” She meant metaphorically, of course, but that went without saying. “Please, come closer.”

“I would, but it’s really dark in here…”

“Oh, right.” Emme lit several of the lanterns and adjusted the blinds. “Is that enough light? I can’t always tell.” 

“This is good,” Copernica told her as she walked over. Now she wasn't worried about tripping over something in the dark. At Emme’s instruction, Copernica sat down in front of her with her back to her.

“This certainly is a distinct pattern, and it has an aura I haven’t seen in a long while,” Emme said as she felt the spot. Who needed eyes to diagnose strange rashes? “And you feel no pain or other discomfort, correct?”

“Well, now it’s tingling for some reason, but I didn’t feel a thing before.”

“That’s likely from me feeling its aura,” Emme explained. “It doesn’t always happen but it’s perfectly normal.”

“Orik was really insistent that I mention this thing called the carminic plague, for some reason.”

“Hmm…Carminic Plague? It’s been a while since I heard anything about _that…_ ” Emme trailed off as she thought (and absently noticed Orik’s anxiety the way one notices a background noise). “However, an asymptomatic rash in this pattern is an early sign…” The old merchant got up.

“Where are you going?”

“I want to test to see if it is Carminic Plague, even if only to get an answer for Orik. I know he would worry himself into breaking down if I didn’t.” She situated herself behind Copernica again. “Hold still for me for a minute, this should not hurt.”

“How long--” Copernica began.

“Done. Thank you, we will have an answer in a minute.”

There was a long moment of silence. “...well?” Copernica asked when it had gone on for a solid 45 seconds. 

“Your friend’s intuition was right.”

* * *

“...wait, what?” Copernica wasn’t sure if she had misunderstood or misheard Emme.

“The test came back positive for Carminic Plague,” Emme said. Before Copernica could say anything else, she continued, “However, we found it at a very early stage. I didn’t even know it could be confirmed this early. Curing it will be a nonissue; you might not even experience any further symptoms.”

“Huh…” Copernica said. “That’s it?”

“Indeed.”

“Orik… made it sound like it was a lot worse than that…”

“Well, if your infection were to progress and properly take root in your system, it would become very difficult to treat, if not impossible. It’s also fatal when it can’t be treated.”

“Oh.”

“It also wasn’t well understood in Orik’s younger days, so many victims didn’t bother getting the rash checked out until other symptoms showed up. By then it was always too late. All anyone could do was damage control--palliative care for the patient and keeping the rest of the household from getting sick as well. I doubt he became ill himself given he’s still around, but it was still a frightening time to live through. It’s likely why he’s so upset; he probably assumed those days were behind him for good.”

“Yeesh… no wonder he freaked out so bad, earlier…”

“But things are not like that anymore,” Emme said as she stood up and began searching one of the shelves. “Technology and medicine have come a long way over the years. It won’t be instantaneous, but we can start your treatment now.”

“Am I contagious, though? I don’t want to get anyone else sick…” Or to send Orik into another panic attack.

“Not easily. It cannot be spread through touch and it isn’t airborne. You might want to stay clear of the college, though, that's a pretty crowded place and you don't know who is and isn't at a higher risk.” Emme found the bottle she was looking for. “This is for you to take, and I’ll have to deliver the defenders for the rest of the team later. I seem to be out.”

Copernica took the bottle; it was a liquid with a dropper in the cap. At the Merchant and Healer’s suggestion, she went ahead and took a dose right then. It was bitter like any other medicine but she had had to take worse-tasting ones in the past.

Emme walked towards the door. “Come along, we should check on Orik, now.”

* * *

Orik was sitting right where Copernica had left him, fiddling with his bracelet with shaking hands and staring off into the distance. He didn’t seem to notice Copernica and Emme step out of the wagon. 

He didn’t notice Copernica come closer and kneel down until she touched his knee. “Orik…”

He jumped and flinched away like a startled animal. Several seconds passed before the fearful look faded from his eyes. “W-well?”

Copernica couldn’t think of a way to break this to him gently. “I won’t lie to you about this. I have Carminic Plague,” she said softly. “You were right.”

Orik looked at her as if she had just told him the Behemoth had crushed the house with the others still inside.

“But!! It’s at such an early stage that we’ll be able to treat it, no problem!” she added quickly. “I’ll be okay and good as new before you know it.”

Emme spoke up. “You did well having her come here so soon. It’s easy to deal with it at this stage. I don’t imagine her running into any complications.”

“You...you think so?” Orik asked.

“I’m positive.” She crouched down to his level. “It isn’t like it was when you were younger, things will work out okay.” 

Orik gave a hesitant, silent nod in response.

“If I may ask… how did you recognize it so quickly? I realize you’ve been around a while, but so have I, and it hadn’t even crossed my mind until Copernica mentioned it. The layman likely doesn’t know about it that well at all.”

Orik immediately went tense and wanted to be anywhere other than here in the middle of this conversation. His mind seemed to be taking him away already...

Emme reached out and touched his arm before they completely lost him again. “If it’s too upsetting, you do not have to tell me. I was merely curious.”

He looked away. “I’d rather not...”


	3. The Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emme arrives at the party's house to deliver the defenders she mentioned along with some more information for the group because Who Has Heard About This Carminic Plague Thing Anyway?

"I'm assuming you already know about Copernica's condition," Emme said. It was later in the evening now; she had finished making up the defenders for the rest of the group. "While the Carminic Plague isn't highly contagious, there's enough of a risk for you all since you live with Copernica. These will prevent any of you from contracting the disease."

"Does it act funky?" Thayne asked while trying to hide behind his sister. These sorts of medical things scared him a little. He didn't want to put up with any strange side effects...

"No, it's very reliable; we've been using this method for a long time."

"They figured out how to prevent Carminic Plague before they figured out how to cure it," Orik added. “It was a difficult time.”

There was enough of a pained note to his voice that it prompted Tarah to ask, "Is it that bad?"

“In its aggressive phase, it is. Which Copernica is not even close to yet, I want to stress," the Merchant said. "Once the plague had spread through the ‘bot’s body, it went active. The trademark sign of that was when the initial rash would begin to burn. Secondary circulation systems would almost dissolve, major mechanisms would break and fail. Once the corrosion started, people didn’t know how to stop it.”

"What happened to people, then?" Morbid curiosity had Tarah and Thayne in vice grips. They had odd interests sometimes...

Emme, eager to teach, pulled out a book and opened it after feeling the cover to ensure it was the right one. "It would eventually lead to total system failure, although the process was described as ‘agonizingly slow’." The magic component to the ink let Emme know what was written on it. She turned to a page with more information on later stages (and pictures). "Sometimes smaller rashes appeared across the patient's body as it progressed."

Orik was plenty familiar with how the disease worked but remained nearby. Maybe to fill in any gaps in Emme’s answers, maybe also because he was worried about appearing suspiciously strange to others if he were to leave. He didn’t really want to talk about it.

Emme continued, "Finding a cure for the later stages wasn't easy and unfortunately involved trial and error for the patients. It was a long time before any made it, let alone properly recovered." Sometimes, it said in the book, the attempted treatments only agitated the problem by making symptoms worse or failing to stop the disease from doing more damage. It didn't look good when the untreated patients were doing (marginally) better.

...Staying in the room while they talked about it was definitely a mistake. Orik went paler than a sheet and quietly excused himself. He staggered out of the room, hugging himself with his good arm. This was too much, he needed some air and space...

"Is he ok?"

"He...really didn't look good," Armilly said.

* * *

They found him outside. "Orik…?"

He was shaking and clutching the railing like the world was ending. He kinda looked like a sailor trying to brave a particularly violent storm. The fact that the wind had suddenly picked up only added to the illusion.

Or maybe a really seasick passenger with the way he was starting to sway...

"Orik? Hello? Dad?" Tarah picked up part of his robe and started tugging on it. " _ Otosaaan… _ "

Not even calling him "Dad" in Japanese got his attention...that usually did it, even if he sometimes reflexively responded in Japanese before he remembered the twins didn't speak it. He was really deep into whatever trance he'd fallen into.

"Oh no…"

Galleo put a hand on Orik's back to try to keep him steady. (He also wanted to be ready to catch him in case he fell. It didn't seem like a remote possibility at the moment.) "Um, what do we do?" he asked. 

"At the moment, there may not be much we  _ can _ do, other than call out to him," Emme said. "He appears to be having visions, likely some sort of panic attack as well."

"Orik! It's okay, you're safe…"

He tensed, gripped the railing tighter, and lowered his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He mumbled something to himself. The wind picked up and began whistling through the trees.

"Is he in pain or something?" Tarah asked.

"Not physically, no." Emme said. 

"Stop thinking about it…" Orik muttered, this time loud enough to be understood.

He could remember what it was like, how Carminic Plague affected people. The pictures and descriptions weren't enough to capture even a part of the picture. They were plenty to trigger his memory, though.

_ Sudden decline...lingering in pain…major system failure… no way to fix it…A strained voice: "it hurts...Orik, help..." _

"---k..! Orik, try to come back to us…"

He flinched and raised his head. His eyes focused again and he looked around, confused and still shaking.

"Orik! Are you okay?" Armilly asked. She had to make an effort to not bounce around too much and overwhelm anybody. Seeing Orik so rattled had her riled up too. It didn't stop her from almost tackling him into a tight hug.

"I-I'm fine n-now." Orik took a deep breath and started to steady himself as the wind died down. Was he trying to not cry? "Sorry, something...something old just came up..."

"Can you be a bit more specific?" Tarah asked, already starting to slip back into her trademark snark. It wasn't that she didn't care; she just hoped that acting the way she normally did would get Orik back to his own equilibrium sooner.

"No," came the immediate answer. Then he shuddered. He was still trying to push away some of the more gruesome images...

As Armilly released Orik from her hug, Emme stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. "Orik, it isn't like it was in your day. Copernica's going to be okay and it won't get to the stages we were talking about."

He swallowed hard. "I still worry…"

"It will be okay. I promise."

"Come on, we should probably go back inside," Copernica said. "I can take my medicine and everyone else can take those immunity boosters, does that sound good?"

"Yes…" He appreciated the fact his friends were trying to be understanding and help him despite only knowing a small part of the picture. The mere thought of having to explain everything overwhelmed him enough.

"Do you want to hold Benji for a little bit?" Galleo could see that Orik was about to decline despite being badly shaken. Benji hopped onto the old man's shoulder before he could say anything. "Looks like he decided for you."

Thayne stayed behind as the others helped Orik back into the house. After a few moments of hesitation, he tugged on Emme's skirt. "Is Copernica really going to be okay? Orik looks really worried…"

"Yes, she will recover fully," she said without an ounce of doubt. "I have reason to believe that his fears are rooted in a bad experience in the past and it's making him less rational about it. It would help if we knew why, but if he won't talk…" She shook her head. "Come along now, I'm sure he'd appreciate you being there with him."

As they had Orik sit down inside with a blanket (and the twins proceeded to cuddle onto him), the Mysterious Merchant couldn't help but wonder what was on the elder's mind. Clearly, there was a story Orik didn’t want to tell, although it really wanted, maybe even needed to be told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orik buddy pls


	4. The Masking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orik none of this is healthy
> 
> In other news I've pretty much finished writing this story so I'm gonna update on Wednesdays and Saturdays until I finish it

Sleep was not something that was within Orik's grasp.

_What if it still spread? What if someone else got a rash too? Armilly would hate being bedridden, Galleo needs his independence… What if one of the twins got it? If one of them were to catch it, the other one would probably get it from them._

"They can recover," the rational part of his brain said in an attempt to console the other parts.

_What if one twin recovers and the other doesn't? Thayne and Tarah can't live without each other, not with the way their souls are linked… Good grief, do people even make a full recovery from the later stages now? It wasn't possible for---_

A sudden pinch of pain in his weak arm startled Orik out of his thoughts and he grabbed at it. Yes, he'd remembered to put on his arm brace before getting in bed. Every once in a while, he forgot and he'd wake up to his arm sore and twisted at an odd angle in the morning. The brace was there and on correctly, so he wasn't sure why his arm decided to hurt just now.

Probably stress, he decided. He needed a distraction. He dug around a bit and pulled out one of his old books. He didn't need sleep anyway.

_Does Carminic Plague just show up when he's too content with the way his life is? Things were good now until this happened, back then they had begun looking up again, was this some sort of curse--?_

Stop it. Focus on the book.

* * *

Whatever sleep Orik managed that night was not restful at all and filled with fragmented nightmares. When he woke up slouched in bed at an odd position and with a book on his chest, he certainly didn't feel any less tired.

It sounded like at least some of the others were up and about now. He might as well get up and get dressed, he decided, he didn't wish to worry his friends.

* * *

Once he was up and about for the morning, Orik carried on with his business as though nothing was amiss. He ignored the way the other five were watching on in confusion, waiting for him to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

Said elephant being a certain fox mask carved out of oak.

He wasn't going to mention it if nobody else did.

Tarah spoke up. "Dad?"

"Mhm?"

"Why are you wearing your mask?"

So much for that plan.

Indifferent shrug. "Felt like it." He acted like it wasn't a big deal, like he simply wore a mask all the time for many years for fun, rather than to hide his face from the world in shame. 

Thayne didn't say anything out loud, but the suspicious look he gave Orik spoke volumes. It seemed to have an effect of amplifying everyone else's doubts as well.

"I didn't sleep well last night, either," he added. That was enough about him for now. "Are you all doing alright?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Yeah."

"Thayne kicked me in his sleep, but that happens a lot."

"You kick me too, you know."

"I feel fine," Copernica said. "I'm not even noticing any side effects from the medicine."

"That means she's getting better, doesn't it?" Armilly asked Orik.

"I hope so," he said uncertainly. "I'm not very familiar with people being able to actually _recover_ from this." What if it relapsed, the plague wasn't that easy to tame.

His mask did a poor job at hiding his anxiety, probably because it was enchanted to reflect the expression on his actual face if it was obvious enough. While he had become a master at making sure his expressions were small enough to not get picked up by the mask unless he wanted them to, he was out of practice.

"Orik, that crisis is over, it's going to be okay."

"..." He moved the little cup from one hand to another in case his weaker arm decided to stop cooperating with him and drop whatever it was holding. He didn't need to break more dishes today…

"I can hear your doubtful look through that mask."

"My mind won't let me accept it..." 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

That was a hard no from Orik's mind. Something changed in his demeanor and the expression on his mask went completely neutral. "I'm alright," he said as he got up. "I do not wish to worry any of you."

“Where are you going?”

“Out, I think I need the space right now,” Orik replied and began to walk away. “I intend to be back by tonight, don’t worry.”

Of course, that made _everyone_ worry about Orik's mental state.

* * *

He sat down on the ground, pushed his mask off, and rested his forehead against the tree trunk. _Alright, Orik, you’re alone now. No one’s going to think to look for you here. You have time to feel._

It wasn’t that simple, though. There was the worry that wouldn’t go away no matter what his friends said. It was too well fed by old grief in his heart, a drive to not let _that_ happen again. It was a very different situation than what had happened when he was younger, but there were _just enough_ similarities that he couldn’t put the past aside. 

But even then, he didn’t _want_ to just forget it all...he’d rather be able to remember what happened. 

He fidgeted with the bracelet around his wrist. No tears were willing to come no matter how he wanted to right now. He couldn't even begin to explain what had happened back then.

* * *

Orik kept at it for the next several days, evidently not sleeping, wearing his mask all the time again, and generally having the appearance of an anxious wreck. During the times he was around the house, he'd obsessively check on Copernica and triple-check that no one else had developed a carminic spot. The rest of the time he was out who-knew-where. It seemed more like an act of avoidance than a decision to go exploring for the sake of doing so, especially with how quickly he'd leave once he'd decided to do so.

This behavior wasn't sustainable and he knew it. His friends were not only concerned but growing tired of his erratic behavior. He had to at least try, though. No other option felt doable. He felt trapped. Maybe all the extra feelings would settle back down soon on their own.

Or maybe a pump in his chest would give from the anxiety, he wasn't sure at this point. Hopefully not; he had to make sure everyone else was doing alright. He couldn't let _that_ happen again, not if he could help it.

"Thayne, did you take your--"

"Algyron's kneecap, yes!" He shouted, smacking his hands on the table and rolling his eyes. This was getting old. "I can take care of myself, Dad!"

Orik was not expecting Thayne to raise his voice like that. He wasn’t the only one at the table who jumped, either. “I just worry…”

“Coco’s spot’s been fading and nobody else has gotten one,” Galleo said. Things were clearly getting better, but Orik was only becoming more worried. Something wasn’t adding up...


	5. The Concern

"Did… did you outlive someone, Dad?" Tarah asked. It wasn't in front of everyone else; she hoped that would make it easier on Orik to tell.

"Tarah, you've climbed mature trees that are younger than me, of course I've outlived people."

"That's not what I meant!" she groaned, tugging on her ear in annoyance as she looked away. Thayne was usually the one that would tug on his ears; Tarah had to be in a very specific mood to do it herself. "Like… someone close to you."

"I haven't aged normally for a long time and I'm the only one in my immediate family to do so." The expression on his mask was about as useful and informative as the words he spoke. Meaning, it wasn't helpful in the slightest.

"Ugh, nevermind," she grumbled. When Orik didn't want to talk about something, you couldn't pry an answer out of him with a crowbar. The fact she couldn't figure out the words to directly ask him what had happened only made it more difficult. Usually Orik would help her. Tarah would have to ask someone else…

Orik sighed quietly in relief as Tarah left. A weird twinge of pain pulled at his arm, his good one this time. He'd been feeling pains like this more and more over the past several days, mostly in his limbs. Sometimes they were accompanied by a grinding feeling too. They'd disappear as suddenly as they appeared and it was the only thing that seemed amiss. Maybe he should have been keeping count of whenever it happened. 

Weirdly, he hadn't felt the need to worry about it at all. He had too much on his mind as it was.

* * *

She couldn’t believe she was doing this. Armilly, unable to get any answers out of the smattering of history books she had or Orik himself, was going to talk to Gilgamech. A year or so ago she would have jumped at the opportunity, but as she had found out since then, the Gilgamech in the book was not the same one that walked around today. Same person, but the book embellished some things and a living person was bound to change over time.

The point was, she wasn’t a fan of the real Gilgamech by any stretch of the word and tried to associate with him as little as possible.

Armilly sighed. "I don't like you, and you don't like me," she began.

"I thought you were my biggest fan," Gilgamech said, somehow still out of the loop.

" _Were._ " She said dryly. "And I'm only talking to you because I'm worried about Orik and you might be the only bot on the planet who knows what's wrong."

“You checked the handbook?”

Of course she had, otherwise she wouldn’t have talked to him. “That book has practically nothing on Orik’s personal life,” Armilly said. Based on what she did know about Orik, it might have been at his request, but she couldn’t help but wonder if Gilgamech’s ego influenced that as well. No matter, it wasn’t important right now. "Orik's been really stressed lately and none of us can get a reason why out of him. It started when a spot Copernica developed turned out to be Carminic Plague--"

"--Carminic Plague?" Gilgamech repeated, as though he hadn't heard that term in a long time. 

Armilly gave a stiff nod, clearly annoyed at having been interrupted. "The Merchant says it was worse when he was a younger 'bot and you're the only other steambot from those days."

He sat back. “No wonder…”

"Why's that?" Was she finally about to get an answer…?

* * *

“Is there someone with you, Tarah?” The Merchant said as Tarah walked in. “You know the rules.” Due to the child’s kleptomania, she wasn’t allowed inside the wagon without someone else there to keep a close eye on her. 

“N-no, but this is important.” Tarah had her hands up on top of her hood where Emme could sense them easily. “I wanna talk. Please?”

“You’ve been behaving well lately, and I don’t want to discourage you from coming to people for help…” After a few moments of consideration, the Merchant said, “Alright, I’ll allow it this time. What is it, little one?”

Tarah pulled a face and let her shoulders drop a bit in annoyance at being called “little” but didn’t verbally object. “Orik’s been acting _so_ weird lately. I don’t think he’s slept, and he’s wearing his mask again. All the time! And he just dodges the question when anyone asks him what’s wrong.”

“I had hoped that he would calm down as Copernica recovered, but that clearly hasn’t happened."

“I'm, uh--it’s weird to see,” Tarah said. It sounded like she was about to say something different but stopped herself. “I didn’t know if you might know anything, since you’re almost as old as he is…”

“At this point he’s probably in the midst of an anxiety attack. It was a stressful time and he wasn’t the only one to develop anxieties from this,” Emme said. “I don’t know the details of his experience, though. That’s a story he will have to tell himself, although I feel he dreads doing so.”

"I wanna be able to do _something_ , though," she said. "It's getting really bad."

The old merchant paused thoughtfully. "Given how stubborn he can be, I doubt anyone can get an answer out of him before he's willing. You and the others might be able to support him, but it's up to him whether or not to be helped…"

Tarah still seemed fairly discouraged and started tugging her ear down again without realizing it. Emme gently stopped her hand before she could hurt herself. "I asked Copernica to visit me today. There's a good chance Orik will tag along, and if he doesn't, I'll track him down and try talking to him that way. I might be able to reason with him better as an experienced healer."

* * *

“...That’s all I can explain,” Gilgamech finished. “I don’t remember a lot of it now and I think he’d be mad if I said too much. Or something that wasn’t right...”

“That...explains a lot of it…” Armilly said, sounding a bit surprised. _Poor Orik._

"If I'm not mistaken the work they did there helped doctors find a cure, but it was too late to do any good for her. I think that them actually finding a cure was the only thing that kept him from totally losing it. I’m still surprised he didn’t ever talk about it, though.”

"He has a tendency to hide things," Armilly said. With a sense of awkwardness, she stood back up and adjusted her armor. "Um...thank you. I hope knowing what's going on in his head makes it easier."

Gilgamech couldn't quite swallow his pride enough to say it but he did hope it helped Orik out. The man didn't need any of this, nor had he done anything to deserve it, if he was being honest.

* * *

"Hey, Orik!"

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked towards where the voice had come from. It was Copernica, what were the odds they ran into each other here? Then again, he was on his way back to the house…

She ran up to him. "So, um, Emme wanted to see me today, to check on my spot… since you're here, I didn't know if you wanted to come with again?"

Thrown off his stride, he gave her a confused look that was strong enough to be reflected on his mask.

"You don't have to go with if you don't want to," she said. It was more an offer in the hope that the Merchant could get through to Orik and make him realize that she was better, he didn't need to worry so much.

"No, I will go with," he said. Now that he was aware that she was going to visit Emme, Orik didn't think he could focus on anything other than whatever news she would have.

"Alright! She told me she'd be parked over this way…" Copernica pointed down one of the paths and led the way.

Orik fought back a grimace just enough for it to not show up on his mask. The stitches of pain were becoming longer and more pronounced, often accompanied by him moving around. This was too unusual and too intense to simply be some new way his body was making its age known. What kind of malfunction brought this on again…? And why was he feeling so stiff right now? Normally he didn't have any sort of resistance getting his hands to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orik is close to his breaking point...


	6. Gearlock

One could hardly tell that there had been a spot on the back of Copernica's shoulder. If you turned your head and squinted hard enough you could see a slight color variation in the metal where the spot had been. It probably wasn't even noticeable under some lighting.

Visuals weren't everything though, and Orik was not going to allow himself to even try to relax until he heard a confirmation from Emme. Her sightlessness gave her an edge when it came to other senses, like auras or sounds for instance.

"Looks like you've fought it off. I can't find any trace. Although…" she trailed off and turned toward Orik. "I'm getting a lot of interference at the moment."

Orik did not expect her to see right through him like that. "Huh?" he asked, trying to hide his discomfort as he felt another jab of pain. He felt a weird grinding feeling inside him. 

"Something's not right with you, I can feel it." And hear it, Orik was not supposed to be making faint grinding noises. Someone with a more average sense of hearing probably wouldn't hear it. It was rather distracting considering he wasn't the one she was trying to check over. "At the moment, you are in worse health than Copernica ever was over the past few days."

"Um."

"You haven't been yourself," Copernica said. "You aren't exactly good at hiding it."

"I...I do feel rather off," he admitted as he shifted in place. Wrong move. Another pain surged through him, this one lighting up his entire body all the way from his middle to his hands and feet. He staggered and seized up, his vision going black.

* * *

Orik found himself on the floor and with no clue where he was or what he had been thinking about. He was in the Merchant’s wagon, on the floor. His mask was not on his face. That was the extent of his knowledge. Also that things hurt. Prior experience suggested he had likely just fainted.

“I think he’s awake now,” Copernica said.

“For the moment, at least.” Emme was outside his range of vision. “Stay there, Orik. Don’t try to move.”

Still disoriented and trying to regain his bearings, he tried to sit up and found it not only difficult but that it made him hurt even more.

“I mean it! Don’t make me disable your hydraulics, because I will do that if I have to.”

Orik tried to ask what happened but only managed a hoarse questioning sound. He wanted to know why he was in pain and why he wasn't allowed to move.

“You’ve been so stressed lately, you burnt off most your lubricant and now your gears are locking up. Seriously, don’t try to move or you’ll hurt yourself. Just a minute ago you blacked out from pain.” 

"Kinda scared us both," Copernica added.

He was starting to remember things now. So that was why he’d been having those pains and feeling stiffer than normal today. Why hadn't gearlock crossed his mind as the cause? Feeling his gears literally grind inside him was a dead giveaway.

“Emme said she wasn’t expecting an emergency today since I'm better now, and she definitely wasn’t expecting _you_ to be the be the one with the emergency,” Copernica said.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised,” Emme said as she returned with a bottle. “Tarah came by earlier because you’ve been acting strangely lately and I’m pretty sure she was getting concerned, although she didn’t say as much out loud.” 

Orik spent a moment thinking about how Tarah had changed and grown recently before a draft hit his face. "My mask…" Where had it gone?

"It's up here on the table. I apologize for any inconvenience but since you fainted, I needed to be able to see your actual face."

Accustomed to having a mask to hide behind, Orik pouted, but in a subdued enough way it wouldn't have shown up on his mask. It wasn't subtle in the slightest without the mask there, however, and the sight made Copernica struggle not to laugh.

“You know hiding under that thing isn’t healthy anyway.”

Whether it was from fatigue, discomfort, or irritability, Orik didn't have a good response to that. Having a major malfunction and fainting from it was not part of his plan for today.

“Heads up, I’m opening the access panel on your back,” Emme said as she sat him up. “I realize that’s startling when you don’t expect it.” 

Orik voiced his discontent with a grunt. Was it really necessary for her to do that?

“Your oil levels are so low I need to add some directly to your system,” Emme said as she flipped it open. There was a tube under there that led to his pump system. “Once I’m sure your chest won’t jam we can switch to a smaller infusion tube in your arm.”

He fought back a grimace at the odd sensation of someone pouring fluid _into_ his back (not something he'd felt in a long while), but as it began to properly spread through his chest he felt better. Aches he hadn't even realized were there after so long faded away.

"Thank you," he mumbled once his chest didn't feel so tight and immovable. 

"Not a problem. We'll give it a few more minutes and then we can move you somewhere other than the floor. This process is going to take a while."

"It will?" He didn't really remember the last time this had happened to him all that clearly. It was also from bleeding out rather than gearlock that time.

"Yes, what I poured into your back was a low-viscosity oil that would get to your gears quickly. It won't last long term but it's giving us time and keeping you from locking up before the higher-viscosity lubricant gets through you."

"Was my condition that serious?"

"Yeah," Copernica said with a grimace. "You were pretty close to your whole body getting jammed up." 

Emme lifted Orik up under the arms, trying to be sure she didn't strain the shoulder he had problems with.

"How long has this been going on?" Copernica asked as she lifted him by the legs.

"For the past several days, I believe," Orik said. Being jostled and moved still didn't feel pleasant. "It was much worse today."

"It could've gotten really bad, why didn't you say anything?"

Orik looked down at the floor, away from either of them. "With the situation you've been in, I didn't think much of it and I wanted everyone's attention on making sure you were alright..."

"Set him down here, would you, dear?" 

"Is this a pile of pillows?" Orik asked as he was set down. He wasn't complaining, mind you, he was just confused.

"There's a bean bag in there too somewhere. Perhaps it isn't the most clinical thing but it serves our needs."

She retrieved another bottle, one made of a softer material that squished. This time she attached a long, thin tube to the bottle and then inverted it, letting the lubricant flow into the tube and drip once before she closed a valve. Then she hung it upside down on the wall behind Orik, the tube hanging loosely down.

She held onto the loose end of the tube. "Let me see your arm," Emme said.

Orik reflexively snapped his fingers and raised his right hand in a peace sign, making a rather dry smirk at the same time. 

She could tell what he did but wasn't very amused. "Your other arm, comedian, that one doesn't have good circulation and you know it."

Realizing what he just did, Orik awkwardly coughed and cleared his throat. "Sorry." He held out his good arm and let it rest in Emme's outstretched hand with his wrist facing up. 

With practiced ease, she found a little panel on his arm, flipped it open, and connected the infusion line to one of the tubes in his arm. The little valve opened automatically once it was connected to Orik. "There… I would assume you know better, but don't tug on that or try to disconnect it on your own."

"I believe I would need more than partial use in one hand to do so anyway," Orik said as he looked at the line. 

"Now you just need to sit tight for a while so that can be added into you." Emme stood back up. “Congratulations, Orik, you literally worried yourself into a breakdown.”

He just grunted tiredly in response. Being in intense pain for a period of time was draining enough without several days' worth of insomnia on top of that. 

"Why have you been so worried?" Copernica asked. "This isn't exactly a normal reaction and it's clearly affecting your health. All of us have been concerned."

There was a long pause, then Orik sighed. "It's a long story, one that's difficult for me to tell. I'd rather explain it once in front of the whole group than have to repeat myself."

"So this evening," Copernica said. "You'll explain it this evening when we're all back home?"

Orik silently nodded, holding onto his bracelet. "Yes."


	7. The Widower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time heals wounds, but that doesn't stop them from hurting again from time to time.
> 
> At long last, Orik is ready to talk about it.

A couple of hours later, after leaving the Merchant's wagon (with instructions to not do anything strenuous and to _be more careful, dammit_ ), Orik was now sitting at home in the company of his friends. Anticipating how upsetting explaining himself would be, he was hiding behind his mask again. He had a feeling the others would understand, but that didn't make the memories any less painful. Also, he was still nervous.

Most of the group wasn't sure exactly what to expect; they only knew Orik had developed gearlock earlier, presumably from being so wound up and high strung lately, and that he was ready to explain why he'd been so worried as of late.

Armilly had been giving him knowing looks since she came back but she had ultimately remained quiet. Like she somehow knew part of the picture… Well, she had been obsessed with the old days of heroism for a long time; maybe she had found some information about his life somewhere.

It was time for him to tell the story. He had made a promise to not only the others, but himself. 

Orik wasn't even sure where to begin. There was just so much information, all of it an innate part of him at this point…

"Umeko," he finally said, before he realized he had done so.

"What?"

"Her name was Umeko…" He was fidgeting with his bracelet again, as he always did whenever he was thinking about her. "We were married, we had been since a couple years before the Behemoth. We'd been together for several years before that, too."

"You were _married_?" Tarah blurted out. "Why hadn't you said anything--"

"Shhh!" Armilly cut her off.

"Yes, happily so. I've...I've held the belief that soulmates are made, not found, but we had that bond. She passed on far too soon..." 

A long pause. Copernica asked, "Did she die from…?" she patted the back of her shoulder, where her own rash had been.

He nodded quietly. "Yes, before they had a cure or even really understood it."

"Oh…"

"No wonder you were so worried when you saw the rash on me…"

"I thought I'd seen the last of that pestilence," Orik said. "My heart couldn't take seeing someone else important to me falling to it, not after managing to rebuild after losing her." A pause. "I was afraid of it spreading, too, another epidemic happening…"

"It's alright now, you know Emme gave Copernica a clean bill of health earlier," Galleo said.

He looked unsettled enough Armilly felt a need to distract Orik from imagining a resurgence of the plague. "Did Umeko give you that bracelet you're holding onto?"

Orik nodded sadly and held up his arm for the others to see. "Yes, it's a promise band. She had an identical one from me. We exchanged them alongside our vows. I have other mementos, but this is the one I carry on my person every day."

"Is that what that little box in your room has?" Thayne asked. He and Tarah had snuck into his room and begun trying to look through it when Orik wandered in. While Orik had kept his temper closely in check, he was undoubtedly upset that they had done that.

"Yes…" he said. "There's other things scattered about my room like some of the clay pottery she made, but that box has things I do not want to get damaged."

“What happened back then? I mean, if you want to say…”

“I need to at this point,” he replied. "As you know, I was badly injured during the first battle with the Behemoth. It took months for me to recover and adjust to having no pipe on my back and my arm problems. I'm forever grateful for her being there to help me, but…" 

The words he'd been holding in for so long tumbled out. "She developed that rash while I was still recovering. I'd point it out to her, but she reassured me time and time again that it wasn't bothering her and to focus on getting better...then, once I _was_ getting better and found my new normal, she started getting sick and I finally got her to go see a doctor, but by then it was too late." He paused for a breath. "All we could do was stop me from getting sick too and _try_ to keep her comfortable as her body deteriorated and slowly failed!" The last few weeks were especially hard, he remembered.

He had stopped playing with his promise band and was just holding it now. Well, _that_ was off his chest now, but the feeling was so different he wasn't sure if he liked it or not yet. His shoulders shook as he held back a sob. If only he had been more stubborn about it when there was still a chance… It wasn't supposed to be Umeko's time to go; she was kind-hearted and selfless and wonderful to be with. “I failed her,” he mumbled, not aware he said it out loud. 

Orik was surprised when he felt a couple of tears begin to slide down his cheek under his mask. The grief was here again and it was strong and Orik didn't know what to do about it. He sat there, quietly shaking.

He was hugged by one bun, then the other joined a second later. "Hey, you always tell me to not hold my feelings in, don't you start now," Tarah muttered as she rubbed her cheek against him.

 _Don't start…hah, I've been doing this longer than anyone in this room has been alive,_ Orik thought. He was fully aware Tarah had a point, he just wasn't feeling overly receptive to it right now. "I'm fine," he mumbled. His voice cracked.

Thayne reached up to remove his mask. Orik couldn't stop him, not with how overwhelmed he was with his feelings. Also, Tarah had his good arm pinned down in her hug. Looking back later, he wondered if it was intentional and something the twins had conspirated together.

The potential conspiracy continued when the other three began hugging him, too. Orik couldn't hold his feelings back any longer; they needed to be let out and he was too tired to keep evading them. He hid his face on someone's shoulder (he wasn't sure who but it was one of the bigger ones) and cried properly for the first time in far too long. As resistant as he initially was to the idea of doing so _in front of everybody else_ , he needed it.

"They...they did studies on her case and it helped them understand it, and to find the way to a cure," Orik choked out, "but it all came after she had died…"

"That must have been rough to see, things coming too late to help her," Galleo observed.

"It couldn't be helped," he said. The fact it would help make sure no one else had to go through what Umeko did gave him some consolation, but...

"I don't think it makes it not hurt, though." Acknowledging that made Orik shudder; he was emotionally mature but still ill-equipped to handle feelings this extreme.

As it turned out, having his friends to lean on while he was so emotionally compromised made the whole ordeal easier for him to bear. Imagine that. In a way, it also felt like he didn’t have to worry about hiding from the world---the others would keep him safe for him, he could let his guard down for a while.

“Sounds like you cared about her a lot,” Armilly said after a while. “That had to mean something to her, right?”

Orik nodded. “I did.” And that's what kept _her_ going through all that... A pause while he tried to process his feelings. “I...still do. I miss her...” More than he could put into words. With how raw he was emotionally, the mere thought was ample to send him into tears again.

“And that’s okay, you don’t have to hold it in.”

He avoided looking at anyone. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain sooner… It still hurts to think about sometimes.”

“No one can blame you, dude, that’s not easy to talk about. At least it’s off your chest now.”

The burden on his heart felt lighter. Maybe not just because of the release he just had, but because it would be easier to explain why he was upset whenever it bothered him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had the idea for this story bouncing around for months and I'm happy I finally got to tell it. (Half the issue was coming up with names aagh :p) Thanks for reading this, whether it was as I was updating it or someday in the future. I didn't expect it to get this long but it did somehow.  
>   
> (Yes, that's Umeko. This was towards the *very* end, but one afternoon she almost felt like her old self and neither she nor Orik was going to let that time go to waste.)

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on my Tumblr: [sbuggbot.tumblr.com](sbuggbot.tumblr.com)


End file.
